Today, I’m proud to present my latest project: a custom-built, totally unique computer from yours truly. I’ve been working hard for many months to bring together some of the most revolutionary new features into one great laptop. With hand-picked hardware and a custom-designed operating system, this computer packs in five huge revolutionary features into one simple package.

1. Everything Automated

The first key feature of the PullJosh Laptop is its extensive automation. The computer can predict which actions you would like to take and begin them before you even notice.

For instance, you’ll probably want to keep your computer up-to-date with all of the latest and greatest revolutionary features we have to offer. Fortunately, the PullJosh Laptop automates the updating process by jumping in to start an update before you even notice a new version is available. The laptop will be fully updated and restarted before you even find out that an update has been rolled out. Now that’s efficient.

2. Chat-Based Interactions

Unlike computers of the past, the PullJosh Laptop features a fully chat-based interface. Rather than using traditional GUIs (or, God forbid, a terminal interface), the PullJosh Laptop wraps everything up inside of a nice text-based bot conversation. I’ve taken the liberty of providing my blog readers with a sneak-peak of the interface in action:

Laptop Interaction

As you can see, this interface provides a clear benefit: the PullJosh Laptop’s complex natural language processing capabilites allow for easier, more intuitive interactions.

3. Thinner

As a firm believer in the importance of accessability, I’ve included a fantastic new feature in the PullJosh Laptop. Allow me to present to you a simple example of how the PullJosh Laptop can help undervalued minority users accross the globe:

The original Mr. Potato Head was developed by George Lerner in 1949, and has been a hit toy ever since. We all remember spending time tinkering with a potato head as children – sitting for hours on end, fixated on the immense number of potato possibilities. Unfortunately, all of this play time can leave our poor potato a bit worse for wear. The constant insertion and removal of arms and legs in and out of the potato can cause those pieces to hang loose within our potato friend.

Potato Progression

These looser arms lack the strength and dexterity required to lift a regular laptop. So, in order to increase accessability and widen appeal for the laptop, I’ve decided to make it thinner and lighter than any laptop before it. This does mean that the laptop is without a battery, but that, I imagine, will only pose an issue for a minority of users (far fewer than the number of users with loose arm sockets). Additionally, the PullJosh Laptop has an external battery back which can be attached using one of the included USB-C ports (battery sold separately).

4. More Emojis

In addition to all of the previously listed features, I’m proud to announce that the PullJosh Laptop includes an additional 800 emojis PLUS skin-tone modifiers for jack-o-lanterns and street lights.

These emojis include, among other things:

5. Everything Javascript

I approached the back-end of the PullJosh Laptop in much the same way as the emoji additions: Only include what is really needed, and remove everything else. For consistancy, you know? And if there’s anything I’ve learned from recent developments in programming, it’s that Javascript is the be all and end all and should be used for every project. Everywhere.

As such, the only programming language supported by the PullJosh Laptop is Javascript. In fact, the entire OS was bootstrapped from a very basic implementation of the Javascript interpreter, and was built from there. Everything is built with Javascript: The web browser, the terminal, the chat-based desktop environment, and even the hardware support. The consistancy between projects makes everything so straightforward.

Conclusion

As you can see, the PullJosh Laptop has everything you need for a new and improved computer experience. The product is available for preorder now, and will be ready to ship in October 2018. Additional DLC packs which improve the vocabulary of the chat assistant are ready to be released in March of 2019.